156.6

And you know what I had for dinner last night? A chocolate milkshake and a large french fries. Yeah, that's right. My metabolism is finally kicking in. I'm also waiting until my stomach is crying before I eat, then I really know that I'm hungry and I need the food, not just eating for fun. I did the "eat barely anything" diet for a little while, but honestly, I was just so hungry and tired I couldn't do it. So, I've been eating more, but not as much as before. My stomach has shrunk and if I eat too much, I'll want to vomit. I haven't, but I want to and it reminds me not to eat so much. Damn straight. I'm back in this game. 10 elbees so far. :D

158.0

So, after the past couple of weeks of me pigging out, on Wednesday I decided to try what I've dubbed the "Go-Go Dancer Diet". It consists of eating one slice of bread with honey on it as a meal. I can eat salad with light dressing (I gag if I don't put anything on it) and some fruit snacks if I'm simply starving and need something to fill my stomach. I think in the past three days I've had a total of 1200 calories. No joke. I'm really starving and it's cutting down on my energy, but I figure I won't have to do it for very long, seeing my progress going so well. And after I get down to my goal weight, I'll just eat what is necessary to keep me at that weight and nothing more. I'm still exercising the same amount I did (dance classes and horseback riding). I'm really tired because I haven't gotten any energy from my food. I've been a bitch as well because I'm cranky! I can't help it. I'm sick and tired of losing this competition with my body. So I'm pulling out the big guns. I hope this works well.

162.0

That's right. I'm doing better. Not really doing anything special with the diet, just eating less. After my dance classes today, I weighed myself again and I was at 161.2. So, haha, I lost some more weight. Let's see how that looks tomorrow. *crosses fingers*

In other news, I hurt my knee last week, so exercise is guarded. I'm just protecting my knee from further injury. I have a doctor's appointment the first week in May, so I may or may not be getting surgery since I've hurt this knee more than a few times before.

I just waxed my legs and it hurt. I hate waxing myself. I gave up because I was running out of wax and, well, it hurt. I've got some patches that I might just tweeze out within the next few days. Next time, my waxer can do them. I don't care how much I pay, it's worth it. I also got this self-tanner/hair reducer all in one lotion extravaganza!! Sorry, thought it was so long that adding "extravaganza" wouldn't matter much. But yes, I have yet to try that. I'm also exfoliating my skin like nutters.

I think that's really all for right about now. kthxbai.

xoxo,
R

162.4

That's what it said this morn, no joke. I don't know! I'm surprised, really, that I haven't ballooned up to 170. Now, I know this sounds like crap, but since I'm down to my body's natural average weight (you know, the weight at which your body naturally stays, neither gaining nor losing a certain amount of poundage), it's SO FREAKING DIFFICULT for my body to lose the extra 17 ellbees. I just want to look good. Super really good. Ugh.

Anyway, today I walked around the block this morning. Didn't go to my dance classes because my speech class was cancelled and then just decided I wasn't going to drive back down to City College. After that, I rode my horse for a little bit. She finally did a slide (it's hard to explain, better if you see it, google "reining slide" - it's pretty much just that the horse stops very quickly, plants their back feet and tucks their butt so that the back feet "slide" on the ground a few feet). My mom told me to get off of her because she did exactly what I wanted her to and she should know that by me not doing anything after that. I love that horse. She's really going to be great.

Everything else is going pretty great. Oh, the office that we moved into isn't finished. It's a piece of work and it's making me all stressed out. There's no carpet in the waiting room, stuff's in boxes, ceiling tiles still aren't all in yet, etc etc etc. It's insane. And this new place is 2.5 miles farther than where the old office was. Yay for gas usage. I'm getting a frickin' hybrid. Screw this gas shit. Lol.

I think that's about all for now. I'm tired. :)

xoxo,
R

Yesterday: 162.6

I think it's funny that I'm not dieting right now, but I'm still maintaining a pretty good weight. I know it could be better, but I'm not back up to my old weight! Yeah? Okay, I know, I'm slacking.

Yesterday was my best friend's wedding reception. She got married last April (they eloped). He's in the Air Force so it took them a while to come back home and do the reception. It was a blast.

I'm going on another trail ride today. I need to take a shower and stuff and get my butt out to the barn. So there!

xoxo,
R

I'm not weighing myself this week.

It wouldn't be fair. My dance teacher cancelled all of our dance classes this week. I think someone died or is very ill. I don't know though. So... I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess some pilates or something. I did brush off the DVD this past weekend. I feel so lost without my dancing, though!

Um... I'm going to a "concert" this Friday. My friend's band is playing and I'm hoping it'll be mucho mucho fun. Cause I need some fun this week.

I feel like SlimFasting myself into oblivion.

161.0

Jumped back up there. I just don't know what to do. Yesterday, I had a SlimFast for breakfast and then a Subway sandwich, Lays, a diet soda and THREE chocolate chip cookies. Needless to say, I did not eat dinner last night. Man, I'm a horrible dieter. I know it takes time, but it's soooooo hard. I've been pretty good, though, I must say. I'm just constantly talking myself down from all the fat-filled, sugary, delicious things that I used to eat. So it gets a tad bit depressing. Especially when my boyfriend says things like, "Hey, let's go get pizza!", as he did last night. He just doesn't understand how to diet and what I'm going through. But lucky him, he's still losing weight. Stupid men and their stupid metabolisms.

Today I have to help my mom clean out the garage. Today is St. Paddy's Day, so she better be cookin' that corned beef. Dammit. I'm eating it, I don't care. Then I'm probably going to cruise around the Tower District, go to some bars, a BBQ, etc etc. Fun stuff. Should be a good day.

159.6

I broke through! Finally! That second digit says 9, and I'm excited. I don't have time to exercise before work, but that would have been a good reward for getting me to where I am. Like a brisk walk or short jog, just something to get my metabolism going for today. That's really my problem... On Tuesdays and Thursdays I don't exercise (not even riding my horse a lot of the time). So I need to do SOMETHING that will make me sweat on these days. So, after work, I'm gonna get my bike up (per Chelsea's suggestion) and I'll ride it for a few miles tonight.

YAY EXERCISE! I actually love it now. :)

161.8

Hey, not too shabby considering I pretty much sat on my ass all Saturday and ATE. Yesterday I came home and did a bunch of yard work with my mom, rearranged my room (so much cleaner now! still could use some work, though...) and overall just chilled. Good day yesterday.

So, I watched The Devil Wears Prada on Saturday since that's pretty much what I did all Saturday was watch movies, and one of the actresses said this: "I'm on this new diet... Well, I don't eat anything at all, and then, when I feel I'm about to faint, I eat a cube of cheese. I'm one stomach flu away from being at my goal weight!" I laughed, because part of me wanted to try that diet. But it's simply impossible because I'm constantly around people that love to cook and eat. I love to cook, too! It's one of my core hobbies. The others are cleaning, crafting and going to bed early. I'm a grandma at heart.

So I've been online shopping again (not buying yet, just shopping) and there are models out there that make me sick. Lol. I know this one chick has fake boobs and it's driving me crazy. Like, my hips are wide. My shoulders are, too. However, the boobs... Perky, but smallish. I either want to A: get my ass taken in or B: get boobs somehow. So I'm trying to diet and see if I can't get my ass to a respectable size. I'm just hoping the boobs don't go away. They actually are the biggest that I've ever had them in my life, thus far, and I don't want them to leave me! Haha...

Wow, I wrote a lot already and I have to get ready for work. Stupid Daylight Savings. Stupid stupid stuuuuupid.

160.8

WOO HOO!!! Coming back down. And I've been eating Slim Fast and fast food salads. And veggies and whatnot. Had an apple. Sorry, mental list. But I must say that I LOOK a million times skinnier than I did and I only weigh about 6 ellbees less. Oh, but I am sore today. Damn dance classes. I love them so. I don't think I'm going to go salsa dancing tonight. I think I'd rather go tomorrow night at Fresno State. It'll be a bit easier on me.

Erm... Yep, I think that may be it. No drama or anything that I can think of. I'm doing well!

164.6

That's with clothes on, I might add. But I'm really not too worried. My ass is fitting into my jeans well and I really think it looks smaller. The muscle's going somewhere.

So, I'm currently at Fresno City College, attempting to transfer to a four-year this fall. I've already been accepted to Cal State Northridge, but I'm still waiting on UCLA to let me know what's up. I just really want to get back down to Socal. I simply belong down there. I miss the beach and the people and the ability to just be. I'm really going to have to take a trip down there soon. I want to go surfing in Orange County. It should be really fun.

In other news, my best friend is coming home in about three weeks!!! I'm so excited. She's been living with her husband in Abilene, Texas since October and they're going to be moving to England in May, so she's coming home for about a month before she leaves. I MISS HER SO MUCH!!! :P

Okay, gotta take out the trash. Literally.

163.6

Yeah, I gained three pounds. It's been a rough couple of days. I just haven't been feeling myself. But I did measure this morning and I have lost a total of 2 inches around my waist and a half inch each from my thighs. So there.

I'm really tired right now. I went to bed way too late last night and woke up way too early. Right now I'm cleaning up my room, doing laundry... Blah. My cats are insane.

Yesterday I bought a snake. I have yet to name him/her (it's not sexed yet). It's an albino corn snake and it's orange yellow and white. It has to be one of the coolest snakes I've ever seen. I'm thinking about naming it Gambit if it's a boy. I like that a lot.

On Thursday, I took my friend Lupe out for sushi. It was her first time, so I was excited. I love introducing people to sushi. She really liked it, too. Then we went salsa dancing with my boyfriend. He doesn't like to dance AT ALL. I don't know why he came, anyway. But Lupe and I had a great time. We left early cause we all had to work the next morning.

Today I'm going to the Home and Garden show with my mom and my sister-in-law. I've gotta get my horse cleaned up and shiny for tomorrow, as well as her tack. The horse show should be fun. She's been doing really well at home, but I'm just going to the show to look good. Haha... I want her to get used to being around other horses and smells she doesn't know. I want that horse broke!!

Kthxbai. :)

160.6

HAHA!!! I'm almost there. How exciting. I know once I get past that last pound, I'll be happy and feeling like I'm actually losing weight.

So, I gave my speech yesterday. I really do suck at giving speeches. I mean, it's okay, I did it... But I was nervous! I looked good, though. I dressed up in my leopard print dress. Lol. But yes, it was fun anyway.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that last summer, while I was at the fabric store, I ran into this couple who were photographers and wanted to use me as a model in one of their photoshoots. My ex-boyfriend, unsupportive as he was, said pretty much that I wasn't allowed to do it, because I might get raped or killed or whatever. Like I wouldn't have brought friends and reinforcements. Anyway, I thought that I had lost their card, but this weekend I found it in one of my old purses!! So, right now I'm trying to gain the courage to call them and ask them if the offer is still on the table or not. I'd love to get some professional pictures done.

162.4

Not too shabby. The weekend left me bored, lethargic and feeling snacky. But I think I did alright. I'm really trying soooo hard just to get into the 50's, but it's turning out to be harder than I thought.

Today I have to give a speech on the rockabilly subculture in my speech class. I didn't get too much sleep last night because I'm a procrastinator. But hey, I got it done. Just need to finish up the notecards.

Next weekend I'm going to be entering a horse show. I'm going to ride my little girl western and see how that turns out. Nothing major, pretty much just to get her out seeing new things and see how she acts in the ring. I'm excited, though!

I really think that's all for today. Man, I'm tired.

162.6

I think I've figured something out. Looking at how both Chelsea and I diet, it seems to me that we're still losing weight, despite exactly how badly we eat. Maybe it's the whole guilt thing, but I've steadily lost weight. I'm not losing AS MUCH as I'd like to as quickly, but you know, I'm losing weight, so that's the bottom line, right? I'm pretty freaking excited about that. I really think I'm going to cross the line from 160 to 159 pretty soon. I'm getting over that hump and doing all sorts of terrible things to it as I whiz past it. :D

163.2

Haha, I lost two-tenths of a pound. Yay. That almost makes me feel... pathetic. But, I did eat some nasty ass carbs that almost killed me for the rest of the day. I'm hypoglycemic, so pasta makes me SUPER sleepy. I rode my horse for about 30 minutes and by the time we were done, we were both sweaty. Then I went to the gym with my coworker, finally, and we did fat burning workouts and went on the weight lifting machines. I thought I might have lost some more weight this morning, but I guess I'll have to eat well AND exercise to get any results.

In other news, my boyfriend got a roommate and an apartment to live in. It's rather exciting, since we both live with our parents right now. :P

I also have to write a speech on the rockabilly subculture, so I've been struggling with that. Mainly just getting it all down what I want to say. There's a nice outline that we can follow, so I'm not too worried, but my procrastination is kinda killing me right now.

Anyway, I'm sleepy still and I need to get ready for my day. Here's to more dieting!

163.4

Just a quick note for today...

Okay, so I was eating pretty well yesterday, until dinner rolled around. I decided to go for some Hamburger Helper because I was starving and, frankly, I wanted something that tasted good! However, I'm paying for it this morning. Not weight-wise or anything, but you should be able to figure it out without me being any more graphic that what I've already said. :P

Anyway, other than my indiscretion last night, I'm doing pretty well. By midday, I'm only downing about 500-600 calories. So I'm doing good! It's my boyfriend's birthday and his mom is making burritos and cheesecake. I'm gonna eat something a little less... caloric. I'm off to start my day!

161.8

I really shouldn't be posting my weigh everyday, but the starvation (not really, just cutting calories) is making me presumptuous. So I'm down almost 6 pounds in two days. Yesterday I probably had a total of 1500 calories, but most of that was burned off with 2 hours and 45 minutes of dance (modern and social) and then I went out and rode my horse for a good 30 minutes. I'm trying to teach her how to be a western horse, which is becoming super fun. To top it off, my new kitten, Una, has been keeping me spry and my boyfriend doesn't hurt, either.

Okay, so here are those promised photos of my fat ass. Two weeks ago. Pretty gnarley, but I must bear all to keep me motivated.

The ass...



The belly...



And here's my boyfriend and I being fat and sassy with ourselves...



Well, that's all for now. Diet's going well. Chelsea is my inspiration! :P Thanks, doll.

167.2

So here I am, back at this stupid diet. I drifted because of my birthday and the Superbowl and and and... Excuses are like assholes, right? I looked up my BMI (Body Mass Index) and it says I'm overweight. Yeah. So. I'm fat.

This morning, I had two pieces of bacon I cooked in the microwave - about 200 calories. I'm going to down my fiber pills with calcium and a BIG glass of water after I write this...

No, wait a minute, I'll do it right now...

Still working on the water, but at least I got the pills down. Queen of Procrastination = Yours Truly. I think that's just my problem is the motivation... and I'm constantly thinking that I have time to change my body. When I really need to change how I eat. NOW.

Yesterday I had miso soup for breakfast and dinner, 90 calories a pop, but I went out for sushi with my mom for lunch. I didn't pig out like I normally do, but all that rice can't be real great for me.

My boyfriend will be doing a photoshoot for me this upcoming weekend. My mom will be out of town so I'll have a little privacy. We have this great leopard print chaise longue that I'm going to pose on. I just need to get a little outfit together, get some fabric for a background drape and starve myself (IT FEELS LIKE IT! :P). I'm trying. I really am.

I also need to start on some strength training. I really need to do some sit ups with a weight on me. I think that'll be good for now. I'm going to try to target my abs, butt, arms, thighs... Wow, the whole body. I'm gonna punch myself. Ow.